Do You Have Great Style?

Style is the collection of intangibles that people demonstrate when they are communicating with others. Style is the way people capitalize on moments and use them for the betterment of the relationship. Style is, at the most basic level, the method and approach you make relevant to your communication.

An impressive style is an intangible, but we all know it when we see it. People with an impressive style are impressive because they handle every issue through the eyes of the other person. They adapt their styles to the needs of others and the things happening at that moment. They are flexible and have what psychologists like Daniel Goleman call emotional intelligence. Goleman says there are four skills to master (and while we are all born with different natural levels of each skill, all can be practiced and learned):

- Self-awareness: Understanding your own emotions and motivations, as well as how they influence your behavior. When you are making a pitch or meeting with new clients, you need to be very aware of your emotions. Do not label every feeling as nerves or worry. Figure out exactly what you are feeling.

- Self-management: Controlling the impact your emotions have on your behavior. If you know exactly what you are feeling, you can work to control how you are expressing that feeling. Is your nervousness making you think more about what you want to say than about really listening to the person you are talking to? Are you so excited and happy about what you are hearing that you are losing your professional demeanor? Are you so afraid you will be rejected that you are giving up too early and not asking the insightful questions that would show your passion?

- Social awareness: Being able to see and understand the emotions and motivations of others. You need to accurately decode the communications coming your way. Is your potential client tense? Maybe you should say "I really appreciate your time, knowing how busy you are. I think we can do this very quickly." Is your client starting to look bored? Maybe you should speed up or move on to another topic. Is your client becoming frustrated? Maybe you should make sure you are listening as much as you are talking.

- Relationship management: Putting together these skills to connect, bond, and influence others. Your meeting, whether a presentation or a cold call, is the first opportunity to begin to build a relationship. You will continue to build the relationship with your actions after you leave by how you follow up and take the next steps.

As you can see, having emotional intelligence allows you to adapt yourself to the situation at hand (that is, the style of the person you are meeting with) but still remain in control of the messages you communicate through your style. Being flexible and responding to the situation at hand does not mean you are not being real.

Instead, it means that you can draw on the many different strengths you possess and choose the one that is most appropriate for the situation. For example, when I am in front of a client like future Hall of Fame pitcher John Smoltz and when I am in front of my mom, I demonstrate two different styles.

With John, I am a professional, a negotiator, an ambassador, and a businesswoman. But I must also weave through my communications that I can be someone he not only respects, but also enjoys. I am always "on"; I am always anticipating, reading, and responding. Because he is the client and I am not, I have to be very attuned to his interests. He is the guy that gets to decide how far to push the needle in a negotiation; we can make our recommendations and provide stats to support them. But in the end, it is his life and his contract, so the buck stops with him. My job is to make sure the relationship has been built on mutual respect so that our experience and advice is heard.

With my mom, I am her daughter. I can talk without anticipating, without perfect preparation and knowledge of her yesterdays and her tomorrows. There are few people in life that you can be transparent with as your life and career progress. Often in relationships anchored with unconditional love, you do not have to attend to your style as much.

Remember, relationships matter. People may look at your career stats first, but then they look for invaluable intangibles such as great style, which reflects your strong passion. And it is never too late to discover both.

Passion Leads to Purpose

Passion is what will sustain your motivation to take the extra steps needed to be different from everybody else and overcome roadblocks and barriers. Many of you have found a job that taps into your passion. Some of you may still need to find out what energizes you and makes you enjoy Monday mornings. Either way, it is a helpful exercise to constantly be aware of your interests and strengths. This entails being in the moment as well as anticipating what the opportunity might provide in the years ahead. So, what is your passion? Ask yourself questions like the following:

-What do you do when you have free time?

-What causes you to lose track of time?

-When you walk into a bookstore, what section do you head toward?

-When you have nothing you have to think about, what do you think about?

-What would people who know you describe as your greatest strengths? What would YOU describe as your greatest strengths?

-What values and causes mean the most to you? When do you feel like you are making a difference in others' lives?

-What work schedule and environment fits best with your personality?

-Is there a specific goal you want to achieve at some point in your lifetime? Why?

-What do you love to talk about? Is there a subject matter in which you effortlessly absorb knowledge and are known for your expertise?

-What do you NOT want to do? Narrow down your choices by pinpointing what you do not want in your life or career.

Cast aside all cares for what others think and search for your true passion. It will become your foundation, because knowing your passion leads to purpose. If you are sure of your purpose, you will have confidence as you "do what you love, even if you do not love it every day (Katie Couric)."

I cannot tell you what your passion is, but I know you have something somewhere inside you that creates it. You will know it when you find it. And if you can learn to channel it and utilize it to add value (to someone or something), you can likely build a career based on living out your passion.

How Are You Giving During The Holidays?

I came across an article this weekend about a "mystery couple" in Philadelphia who walked into a restaurant, ate their meal, and quietly gave their waitress enough money to pay for another random couple's meal. This in turn set off a chain reaction of giving, as other diners began to pay it forward. Although it really didn't cost much to inspire a random act of generosity, the results were so profound that a national news organization like MSNBC picked up the story.

Another aspect of giving that has been prominent in the news this year is the fact that charities across the nation have experienced a drop in donations and giving. Although you may not have the extra money to donate this year, it may be as easy as giving a few cans of food or donating your time in a soup kitchen. I was particularly interested to read about Lanny Green, who rings the bell for Salvation Army in Arlington, Va. - and is homeless himself. The Salvation Army pays him a small hourly wage, but he "gets it" - he knows this job gives him a chance to help himself AND help someone else.

This year, everyone is trying to make Christmas special on a low budget. As you rush to and from the mall, remember to take a moment to give of your time, your resources, your expertise, or just showing a bit more patience than usual with long lines and overwhelmed cashiers. Happy Holidays!

The Holiday Job Search - Give Up Or Step It Up?

Job searching during the Holidays can seem daunting, but a recent New York Times article suggests that there are still plenty of opportunities out there for the motivated seeker.

So why should you keep pushing your resume while hiring managers are celebrating at company holiday parties? The article states:

"This is actually one of the best times of the year to look for a job, said Ford R. Myers, a career coach, author and president of Career Potential in the Philadelphia area. Partly, that is because most people do take a holiday break, some starting with a laissez-faire attitude as early as Thanksgiving. This leaves a wider opening for those who persevere, Mr. Myers said.

At this time of year, the hiring managers who are in the office tend to be more accessible, more relaxed and less busy than usual, Mr. Myers said. And the holidays can unleash a spirit of generosity toward job hunters that is lacking at other times, he added."

As you continue your search, I would suggest that you identify multiple points of contact with a potential employer, including their executive assistant, desk phone, cell phone, email, Facebook, Twitter, and their mailing address for a handwritten note. Technology has provided us with a variety of ways to stay on someone's radar, and it is up to you to take advantage of your options. But more importantly, make sure you provide substance in your outreach.

Send a Christmas card, attach a relevant article to your email or mention that you heard about their recent achievement through a mutual contact. Your outreach must ADD VALUE and provide incentive for them to respond.

I usually say that the best time to call someone is on a Friday. And with this being the week before Christmas, guess what? Most every day between now and January will feel like a Friday. So instead of giving up, step up your efforts over the next few weeks!

Assess your options, make a phone call, send a Christmas card, and set up a meeting for January. You just might catch someone in the holiday spirit of giving!

Navigating Holiday Etiquette At Work

Whether you are looking for a job or currently employed, it is important to recognize that the Holiday season provides an opportunity to make a thoughtful impression on those around you. In fact, it's always important to recognize any opportunity to go the extra mile. We're all so busy and engrossed in our own work and family life - when someone takes an extra five minutes to say that we matter, we never forget. Which brings us back to Holiday gifts and etiquette in the workplace.

Here are a few tips below:

1) Identify the list of people who have helped you or may be able to help you in the future. Handwrite a short, upbeat note wishing them well during the Holidays.

**Always keep a book of stamps in your desk so that the thought of having to stand in line at the Post Office doesn't deter you from buckling down and writing your cards - that way, you can just do it already!

2) If you are thinking of giving small gifts to your co-workers or clients (gifts to your boss are probably not the best idea), figure out what is important to them. Family? Pets? Traveling? Food? A friend of mine works in Major League Soccer and was tasked with buying a gift for a very successful athlete. What do you get someone who has it all? She settled on a couple of low-dollar toys from Target for his toddler daughter. The gift didn't cost much, but it made a huge impact because it centered around the most priceless part of his life - his family. He talked about it for days!

3) Shhhhh - if you give a gift or do something thoughtful for a co-worker, there's no need to make a big deal out of it. The person who receives your gift will know you're thinking about them, and that's all that matters. So keep it quiet!

How do you go the extra mile to make an impact with co-workers and clients during the Holidays?

Thoughts On Sharing Your Personal Brand

If you are looking for an interesting read today, check out www.drewsmarketingminute.com. The author, Drew McLellan, has some excellent thoughts regarding your personal brand. In short, he makes the point that although your personal brand is important, it is HOW you share your brand with the world that makes all the difference.

In the end, building a reputation based on credibility, consistency, and generosity is what it's all about. Which of these areas can you improve upon during the Holiday season?

I Get By With A Little Help From My Friends...

I was checking out Bucks on The New York Times this morning, and came across this excellent article about helping your unemployed friends and family during the Holidays. The article had great suggestions, from providing free baby-sitting to simply listening to them talk about their situation - it can be so frustrating at times!

Sometimes, the only thing that our unemployed friends and family need to hear is that we're there, supporting them and doing what we can to make their burden a bit easier. It doesn't take much - even just a phone call, email, or a handwritten note. What can you do to help the people you love during the Holidays?