Hello. I typically prefer posts that present the positives, particularly if it's about challenges. I thought this was interesting. Positive. And real. Embrace challenges - the best of the best do. Go for it.
When Adversity Strikes, What Do You Do?
"Hot" and "timeless." Those are the words last weekend's International Herald Tribune used to describe Greek statues. The same two words could be used to describe that other thing that makes the big difference for you — for any leader, team, or enterprise — resilience. Resilience is suddenly everywhere. And, by the end of this blog, it can upgrade the lens through which you view and lead both those around you and your life.
Flying London to San Francisco, I found the words "resilient," or "resilience" 13 times. And I was hardly trying. RESILIENT. The word stares down at you from the giant corporate ad board as you clear security at Heathrow. Not a bad theme for travel these days.
In the stores, I found "resilient" or "resilience" on woman's clothing labels, kid's toy packaging, sports gear, even a perfume bottle. While scouring five different publications on the flight, I found it describing everything from banished refugees, sport teams, financial markets and products, to leaders, children, communities, even drug lords and the Taliban. It's as if "resilient" has morphed from an adjective to the defining virtue.
So yes. Resilience is hot.
It's also timeless. All our core stories are about what happens when human beings and adversity collide. From those moments tragedies unravel and greatness is spawned. Adversity both destroys and elevates. It both strangles and sparks life.
What is your relationship with adversity? What role has it played in becoming who you are, in forging your essential character and mindset? How has it influenced your optimism, energy, opportunities, relationships, health, performance, capacity, and leaps of faith? Can you think of any force that has been more profoundly formative?
Here's just one relevant example as you ponder the role resiliency plays for yourself and your people. We at PEAK measured the resilience of 1,600 people in the UK to see how it stacked up against these factors: happiness, quality of life, exercise, diet, energy, optimism, engagement at work, sick days, and a broad range of health factors. Resilience was statistically significant in predicting not one or two, but all of these factors.
Through my past three decades of research on the subject, I've learned something shockingly simple: It comes down to one of two things. Over the course of your years, either adversity consumes you, or you consume it. Unfortunately, being consumed by adversity is far more common than truly consuming it.
Ready for a challenge? Rate yourself on this Adversity Continuum.
1.Avoiding Adversity — Do you ever postpone, delegate, ignore, or sidestep a difficulty that you could or should have taken on?
2.Surviving Adversity — Sometimes coming out alive is a major victory. But then life asks, "Now what?" or "What do we do now?"
3.Coping with Adversity — How much energy do you expend just keeping your head above water, or coping with your daily dose of adversity?
4.Managing Adversity — Beyond coping, how often do you at least do something positive with the adversity?
5.Harnessing Adversity — How often do you use the adversity to achieve gains you could never enjoy without it? How many moments do you have, when, like an alchemist you convert adversity into fuel that propels you to a place you could never get to without it?
I've surveyed more than 1,000 companies in 53 countries with these questions. And the sad truth is, most (70-90 percent) of the time, people do some combination of avoiding, surviving, and coping, meaning adversity is consuming them. About 10-30 percent of the time people will manage the adversity. Very rarely (five percent) do people and their enterprises truly harness it.
The ultimate state of zen-like resilience perfection is something I call, "Response Ability," which I define as, "Your ability to respond optimally to whatever happens the moment it strikes." That means naturally harnessing the force of adversity provides to fuel a deeply enriching and rewarding life. This is the highest aspiration.
How much does it matter? Beyond resilience, what other factor (outside of sheer luck!) could have a more profound effect on both your short and long-term success?
"Hot" and "timeless." Garden art may come and go, but adversity is not going away any time soon. It is the core human drama. It's the core of your drama, and if harnessed with superior resilience, it could be the fuel cell of your success.
Dr. Paul G. Stoltz is CEO of PEAK Learning, Inc., Chairman of the Global Resilience Institute, and the originator of the Adversity Quotient (AQ) theory and method, currently used within Harvard Business School's Executive Education program.
Monday, July 12, 2010
Saturday, May 1, 2010
Curiosity can be more effective then defensiveness
A short post to encourage you to think of a particular moment during "critical conversations" in a slightly different way. When your natural instinct is to become defensive, I am asking you to try something, turn defensiveness into curiosity. Exactly what does that mean behaviorally? Attempt to better understand their position by asking questions. And then listen. There are plenty of things that can get in the way of executing this - like time and egos. However, when the moment is right - curiosity works better then defensiveness. At the most basic level, it encourages two way communication and the opposition feels heard. You may learn something. You may not. But, it builds more authentic relationships.
Often the tendency is to avoid difficult discussions all together - which doesn't work long term in truly authentic relationships. So, when you find yourself going into defensive mode in a relationship that matters to you. Turn defensiveness into curiosity. One small thought for you to utilize that produces positive discussion in critical moments. More soon...
Often the tendency is to avoid difficult discussions all together - which doesn't work long term in truly authentic relationships. So, when you find yourself going into defensive mode in a relationship that matters to you. Turn defensiveness into curiosity. One small thought for you to utilize that produces positive discussion in critical moments. More soon...
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
March Madness and The Dream of a Lifetime
I spoke with Lori Cates Hand this morning about Butler Basketball Coach Brad Stevens and his inspirational story - his exceptional leadership will be on display this weekend at the Final Four and I am looking forward to watching a great game between two stellar teams! Check out Lori's blog post, "How Brad Stevens Got His Dream Job."
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
Beginning with the End in Mind
In "The Seven Habits of Highly Successful People," Stephen Covey suggests always beginning with the end in mind. Covey means that in order to get somewhere—anywhere—successfully, you have to know where you are trying to go. Artists have a vision for what their painting will look like before they pick up their brush. Pilots file a flight plan before they take off. Golfers use what they call good "course management." And you have to do this before you meet new contacts.
In his book "Blink," Malcolm Gladwell reviews all the fascinating things that can happen in the blink of an eye—the decisions we can make based on our instincts, and how much more accurate these can be than those based on extensive data and study.
Psychological research shows there are some things we just appear to be "pre-wired" to understand in an instant. We quickly decide whether we think a person's personality is warm or cold, open or defensive, or friendly or distant. Our first impressions of people, although not made quite in the blink of an eye, are made in the first few moments of our interactions. These impressions are so important because they can be very challenging to overcome once they’re established. Why? We interpret all new information through the filter of that initial impression.
Additional interactions might help you change other peoples' impressions of you, but a negative first impression limits your chances to have more interactions with them.
Jerker Denrell, a professor at Stanford Business School, has found that when a potential employer forms a negative first impression of you, he or she is much less likely to be willing to have any more interactions with you, reducing your chances to change that impression. In fact, this process can take less than four-and-a-half minutes.
Frank Bernieri at the University of Toledo found that untrained observers watching a videotape of the first 15 seconds of a job interview were often able to accurately predict which applicants received job offers and which didn't. The same can be said for meetings with potential clients and when you first meet your company's CEO.
First impressions mean everything. Envision your end goal, prepare accordingly, and send yourself the right message - the positive impression you make will lead to success!
In his book "Blink," Malcolm Gladwell reviews all the fascinating things that can happen in the blink of an eye—the decisions we can make based on our instincts, and how much more accurate these can be than those based on extensive data and study.
Psychological research shows there are some things we just appear to be "pre-wired" to understand in an instant. We quickly decide whether we think a person's personality is warm or cold, open or defensive, or friendly or distant. Our first impressions of people, although not made quite in the blink of an eye, are made in the first few moments of our interactions. These impressions are so important because they can be very challenging to overcome once they’re established. Why? We interpret all new information through the filter of that initial impression.
Additional interactions might help you change other peoples' impressions of you, but a negative first impression limits your chances to have more interactions with them.
Jerker Denrell, a professor at Stanford Business School, has found that when a potential employer forms a negative first impression of you, he or she is much less likely to be willing to have any more interactions with you, reducing your chances to change that impression. In fact, this process can take less than four-and-a-half minutes.
Frank Bernieri at the University of Toledo found that untrained observers watching a videotape of the first 15 seconds of a job interview were often able to accurately predict which applicants received job offers and which didn't. The same can be said for meetings with potential clients and when you first meet your company's CEO.
First impressions mean everything. Envision your end goal, prepare accordingly, and send yourself the right message - the positive impression you make will lead to success!
Monday, March 1, 2010
If Your Dreams Break the Mold…
If you are going to truly discover your passion, you will need to let go of your desire for others' approval. Many of my clients would tell you when they let go of the need for approval, their career flourished the most. John Smoltz, a future Hall of Famer, would tell you that when he quit pitching for “everyone else,” his career flourished.
Throw aside (no pun intended :)) others’ expectations. Your passion may be staying at home with your children. Or your dream might be making partner at your firm. Maybe you absolutely love working part-time at your children’s elementary school. Whatever your passion is, be proud of it and don’t be afraid to be happy in what you do every day.
Women need to stick together! We need each other’s support and encouragement in order to accomplish great things. Support your friends and colleagues as they pursue their passion. And help them be proud of their personal “formula for happiness,” even if it is different from your own formula.
And, most of all – enjoy and embrace the journey – each and every day.
Throw aside (no pun intended :)) others’ expectations. Your passion may be staying at home with your children. Or your dream might be making partner at your firm. Maybe you absolutely love working part-time at your children’s elementary school. Whatever your passion is, be proud of it and don’t be afraid to be happy in what you do every day.
Women need to stick together! We need each other’s support and encouragement in order to accomplish great things. Support your friends and colleagues as they pursue their passion. And help them be proud of their personal “formula for happiness,” even if it is different from your own formula.
And, most of all – enjoy and embrace the journey – each and every day.
Friday, February 19, 2010
Send Yourself The Right Message
In a society where we are bombarded with different messages all day long, it is important to ensure you are sending yourself the right message. And it is just as crucial that you surround yourself with people who will reinforce that message when you doubt yourself. When you are dealing with challenges, you need people who will provide encouragement and support to keep going. Having a circle of trust is key to your success.
My circle of trust includes my husband, my parents, my brothers, and my closest friends. I can let my guard down with those closest to me and discuss my fears. My athletes also need people around them who will tell them the truth-not what they want to hear-but what they need to hear. That’s what we do for them.
You need a network of supporters who will encourage you to conquer your fears. They need to be people who know you well and who you trust and respect.
Your inner circle can provide support when you go through a major life-changing event. Your trusted confidantes can also provide a simple word of encouragement when you need a boost of confidence.
A young woman named Jessica recently told me that while she was searching for a job, she found herself losing confidence. She said that before each interview, her friend would send her a short text that said, “You are THE Jessica!” That text meant she wasn’t just any girl walking into an interview. She was a unique and talented individual who would add value in ways no one else could. She wasn’t just any Jessica, she was THE Jessica. It may sound trivial, but that short text provided the shot of support that made the difference.
Whether you are facing a fear that has plagued you for years or need just a small dose of support, create a circle of trust and surround yourself with people who will send you the right message.
By being fearless, you will be able to drive your business plan. The best of the best find a way to dig deep and pull out what it takes to manage each and every situation in a positive way. The right message is: yes, you can do it!
Go for it! And enjoy the journey.
My circle of trust includes my husband, my parents, my brothers, and my closest friends. I can let my guard down with those closest to me and discuss my fears. My athletes also need people around them who will tell them the truth-not what they want to hear-but what they need to hear. That’s what we do for them.
You need a network of supporters who will encourage you to conquer your fears. They need to be people who know you well and who you trust and respect.
Your inner circle can provide support when you go through a major life-changing event. Your trusted confidantes can also provide a simple word of encouragement when you need a boost of confidence.
A young woman named Jessica recently told me that while she was searching for a job, she found herself losing confidence. She said that before each interview, her friend would send her a short text that said, “You are THE Jessica!” That text meant she wasn’t just any girl walking into an interview. She was a unique and talented individual who would add value in ways no one else could. She wasn’t just any Jessica, she was THE Jessica. It may sound trivial, but that short text provided the shot of support that made the difference.
Whether you are facing a fear that has plagued you for years or need just a small dose of support, create a circle of trust and surround yourself with people who will send you the right message.
By being fearless, you will be able to drive your business plan. The best of the best find a way to dig deep and pull out what it takes to manage each and every situation in a positive way. The right message is: yes, you can do it!
Go for it! And enjoy the journey.
Thursday, January 28, 2010
Do You Have Great Style?
Style is the collection of intangibles that people demonstrate when they are communicating with others. Style is the way people capitalize on moments and use them for the betterment of the relationship. Style is, at the most basic level, the method and approach you make relevant to your communication.
An impressive style is an intangible, but we all know it when we see it. People with an impressive style are impressive because they handle every issue through the eyes of the other person. They adapt their styles to the needs of others and the things happening at that moment. They are flexible and have what psychologists like Daniel Goleman call emotional intelligence. Goleman says there are four skills to master (and while we are all born with different natural levels of each skill, all can be practiced and learned):
- Self-awareness: Understanding your own emotions and motivations, as well as how they influence your behavior. When you are making a pitch or meeting with new clients, you need to be very aware of your emotions. Do not label every feeling as nerves or worry. Figure out exactly what you are feeling.
- Self-management: Controlling the impact your emotions have on your behavior. If you know exactly what you are feeling, you can work to control how you are expressing that feeling. Is your nervousness making you think more about what you want to say than about really listening to the person you are talking to? Are you so excited and happy about what you are hearing that you are losing your professional demeanor? Are you so afraid you will be rejected that you are giving up too early and not asking the insightful questions that would show your passion?
- Social awareness: Being able to see and understand the emotions and motivations of others. You need to accurately decode the communications coming your way. Is your potential client tense? Maybe you should say "I really appreciate your time, knowing how busy you are. I think we can do this very quickly." Is your client starting to look bored? Maybe you should speed up or move on to another topic. Is your client becoming frustrated? Maybe you should make sure you are listening as much as you are talking.
- Relationship management: Putting together these skills to connect, bond, and influence others. Your meeting, whether a presentation or a cold call, is the first opportunity to begin to build a relationship. You will continue to build the relationship with your actions after you leave by how you follow up and take the next steps.
As you can see, having emotional intelligence allows you to adapt yourself to the situation at hand (that is, the style of the person you are meeting with) but still remain in control of the messages you communicate through your style. Being flexible and responding to the situation at hand does not mean you are not being real.
Instead, it means that you can draw on the many different strengths you possess and choose the one that is most appropriate for the situation. For example, when I am in front of a client like future Hall of Fame pitcher John Smoltz and when I am in front of my mom, I demonstrate two different styles.
With John, I am a professional, a negotiator, an ambassador, and a businesswoman. But I must also weave through my communications that I can be someone he not only respects, but also enjoys. I am always "on"; I am always anticipating, reading, and responding. Because he is the client and I am not, I have to be very attuned to his interests. He is the guy that gets to decide how far to push the needle in a negotiation; we can make our recommendations and provide stats to support them. But in the end, it is his life and his contract, so the buck stops with him. My job is to make sure the relationship has been built on mutual respect so that our experience and advice is heard.
With my mom, I am her daughter. I can talk without anticipating, without perfect preparation and knowledge of her yesterdays and her tomorrows. There are few people in life that you can be transparent with as your life and career progress. Often in relationships anchored with unconditional love, you do not have to attend to your style as much.
Remember, relationships matter. People may look at your career stats first, but then they look for invaluable intangibles such as great style, which reflects your strong passion. And it is never too late to discover both.
An impressive style is an intangible, but we all know it when we see it. People with an impressive style are impressive because they handle every issue through the eyes of the other person. They adapt their styles to the needs of others and the things happening at that moment. They are flexible and have what psychologists like Daniel Goleman call emotional intelligence. Goleman says there are four skills to master (and while we are all born with different natural levels of each skill, all can be practiced and learned):
- Self-awareness: Understanding your own emotions and motivations, as well as how they influence your behavior. When you are making a pitch or meeting with new clients, you need to be very aware of your emotions. Do not label every feeling as nerves or worry. Figure out exactly what you are feeling.
- Self-management: Controlling the impact your emotions have on your behavior. If you know exactly what you are feeling, you can work to control how you are expressing that feeling. Is your nervousness making you think more about what you want to say than about really listening to the person you are talking to? Are you so excited and happy about what you are hearing that you are losing your professional demeanor? Are you so afraid you will be rejected that you are giving up too early and not asking the insightful questions that would show your passion?
- Social awareness: Being able to see and understand the emotions and motivations of others. You need to accurately decode the communications coming your way. Is your potential client tense? Maybe you should say "I really appreciate your time, knowing how busy you are. I think we can do this very quickly." Is your client starting to look bored? Maybe you should speed up or move on to another topic. Is your client becoming frustrated? Maybe you should make sure you are listening as much as you are talking.
- Relationship management: Putting together these skills to connect, bond, and influence others. Your meeting, whether a presentation or a cold call, is the first opportunity to begin to build a relationship. You will continue to build the relationship with your actions after you leave by how you follow up and take the next steps.
As you can see, having emotional intelligence allows you to adapt yourself to the situation at hand (that is, the style of the person you are meeting with) but still remain in control of the messages you communicate through your style. Being flexible and responding to the situation at hand does not mean you are not being real.
Instead, it means that you can draw on the many different strengths you possess and choose the one that is most appropriate for the situation. For example, when I am in front of a client like future Hall of Fame pitcher John Smoltz and when I am in front of my mom, I demonstrate two different styles.
With John, I am a professional, a negotiator, an ambassador, and a businesswoman. But I must also weave through my communications that I can be someone he not only respects, but also enjoys. I am always "on"; I am always anticipating, reading, and responding. Because he is the client and I am not, I have to be very attuned to his interests. He is the guy that gets to decide how far to push the needle in a negotiation; we can make our recommendations and provide stats to support them. But in the end, it is his life and his contract, so the buck stops with him. My job is to make sure the relationship has been built on mutual respect so that our experience and advice is heard.
With my mom, I am her daughter. I can talk without anticipating, without perfect preparation and knowledge of her yesterdays and her tomorrows. There are few people in life that you can be transparent with as your life and career progress. Often in relationships anchored with unconditional love, you do not have to attend to your style as much.
Remember, relationships matter. People may look at your career stats first, but then they look for invaluable intangibles such as great style, which reflects your strong passion. And it is never too late to discover both.
Monday, January 18, 2010
Passion Leads to Purpose
Passion is what will sustain your motivation to take the extra steps needed to be different from everybody else and overcome roadblocks and barriers. Many of you have found a job that taps into your passion. Some of you may still need to find out what energizes you and makes you enjoy Monday mornings. Either way, it is a helpful exercise to constantly be aware of your interests and strengths. This entails being in the moment as well as anticipating what the opportunity might provide in the years ahead. So, what is your passion? Ask yourself questions like the following:
-What do you do when you have free time?
-What causes you to lose track of time?
-When you walk into a bookstore, what section do you head toward?
-When you have nothing you have to think about, what do you think about?
-What would people who know you describe as your greatest strengths? What would YOU describe as your greatest strengths?
-What values and causes mean the most to you? When do you feel like you are making a difference in others' lives?
-What work schedule and environment fits best with your personality?
-Is there a specific goal you want to achieve at some point in your lifetime? Why?
-What do you love to talk about? Is there a subject matter in which you effortlessly absorb knowledge and are known for your expertise?
-What do you NOT want to do? Narrow down your choices by pinpointing what you do not want in your life or career.
Cast aside all cares for what others think and search for your true passion. It will become your foundation, because knowing your passion leads to purpose. If you are sure of your purpose, you will have confidence as you "do what you love, even if you do not love it every day (Katie Couric)."
I cannot tell you what your passion is, but I know you have something somewhere inside you that creates it. You will know it when you find it. And if you can learn to channel it and utilize it to add value (to someone or something), you can likely build a career based on living out your passion.
-What do you do when you have free time?
-What causes you to lose track of time?
-When you walk into a bookstore, what section do you head toward?
-When you have nothing you have to think about, what do you think about?
-What would people who know you describe as your greatest strengths? What would YOU describe as your greatest strengths?
-What values and causes mean the most to you? When do you feel like you are making a difference in others' lives?
-What work schedule and environment fits best with your personality?
-Is there a specific goal you want to achieve at some point in your lifetime? Why?
-What do you love to talk about? Is there a subject matter in which you effortlessly absorb knowledge and are known for your expertise?
-What do you NOT want to do? Narrow down your choices by pinpointing what you do not want in your life or career.
Cast aside all cares for what others think and search for your true passion. It will become your foundation, because knowing your passion leads to purpose. If you are sure of your purpose, you will have confidence as you "do what you love, even if you do not love it every day (Katie Couric)."
I cannot tell you what your passion is, but I know you have something somewhere inside you that creates it. You will know it when you find it. And if you can learn to channel it and utilize it to add value (to someone or something), you can likely build a career based on living out your passion.
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