Thursday, January 28, 2010

Do You Have Great Style?

Style is the collection of intangibles that people demonstrate when they are communicating with others. Style is the way people capitalize on moments and use them for the betterment of the relationship. Style is, at the most basic level, the method and approach you make relevant to your communication.

An impressive style is an intangible, but we all know it when we see it. People with an impressive style are impressive because they handle every issue through the eyes of the other person. They adapt their styles to the needs of others and the things happening at that moment. They are flexible and have what psychologists like Daniel Goleman call emotional intelligence. Goleman says there are four skills to master (and while we are all born with different natural levels of each skill, all can be practiced and learned):

- Self-awareness: Understanding your own emotions and motivations, as well as how they influence your behavior. When you are making a pitch or meeting with new clients, you need to be very aware of your emotions. Do not label every feeling as nerves or worry. Figure out exactly what you are feeling.

- Self-management: Controlling the impact your emotions have on your behavior. If you know exactly what you are feeling, you can work to control how you are expressing that feeling. Is your nervousness making you think more about what you want to say than about really listening to the person you are talking to? Are you so excited and happy about what you are hearing that you are losing your professional demeanor? Are you so afraid you will be rejected that you are giving up too early and not asking the insightful questions that would show your passion?

- Social awareness: Being able to see and understand the emotions and motivations of others. You need to accurately decode the communications coming your way. Is your potential client tense? Maybe you should say "I really appreciate your time, knowing how busy you are. I think we can do this very quickly." Is your client starting to look bored? Maybe you should speed up or move on to another topic. Is your client becoming frustrated? Maybe you should make sure you are listening as much as you are talking.

- Relationship management: Putting together these skills to connect, bond, and influence others. Your meeting, whether a presentation or a cold call, is the first opportunity to begin to build a relationship. You will continue to build the relationship with your actions after you leave by how you follow up and take the next steps.

As you can see, having emotional intelligence allows you to adapt yourself to the situation at hand (that is, the style of the person you are meeting with) but still remain in control of the messages you communicate through your style. Being flexible and responding to the situation at hand does not mean you are not being real.

Instead, it means that you can draw on the many different strengths you possess and choose the one that is most appropriate for the situation. For example, when I am in front of a client like future Hall of Fame pitcher John Smoltz and when I am in front of my mom, I demonstrate two different styles.

With John, I am a professional, a negotiator, an ambassador, and a businesswoman. But I must also weave through my communications that I can be someone he not only respects, but also enjoys. I am always "on"; I am always anticipating, reading, and responding. Because he is the client and I am not, I have to be very attuned to his interests. He is the guy that gets to decide how far to push the needle in a negotiation; we can make our recommendations and provide stats to support them. But in the end, it is his life and his contract, so the buck stops with him. My job is to make sure the relationship has been built on mutual respect so that our experience and advice is heard.

With my mom, I am her daughter. I can talk without anticipating, without perfect preparation and knowledge of her yesterdays and her tomorrows. There are few people in life that you can be transparent with as your life and career progress. Often in relationships anchored with unconditional love, you do not have to attend to your style as much.

Remember, relationships matter. People may look at your career stats first, but then they look for invaluable intangibles such as great style, which reflects your strong passion. And it is never too late to discover both.

Monday, January 18, 2010

Passion Leads to Purpose

Passion is what will sustain your motivation to take the extra steps needed to be different from everybody else and overcome roadblocks and barriers. Many of you have found a job that taps into your passion. Some of you may still need to find out what energizes you and makes you enjoy Monday mornings. Either way, it is a helpful exercise to constantly be aware of your interests and strengths. This entails being in the moment as well as anticipating what the opportunity might provide in the years ahead. So, what is your passion? Ask yourself questions like the following:

-What do you do when you have free time?

-What causes you to lose track of time?

-When you walk into a bookstore, what section do you head toward?

-When you have nothing you have to think about, what do you think about?

-What would people who know you describe as your greatest strengths? What would YOU describe as your greatest strengths?

-What values and causes mean the most to you? When do you feel like you are making a difference in others' lives?

-What work schedule and environment fits best with your personality?

-Is there a specific goal you want to achieve at some point in your lifetime? Why?

-What do you love to talk about? Is there a subject matter in which you effortlessly absorb knowledge and are known for your expertise?

-What do you NOT want to do? Narrow down your choices by pinpointing what you do not want in your life or career.

Cast aside all cares for what others think and search for your true passion. It will become your foundation, because knowing your passion leads to purpose. If you are sure of your purpose, you will have confidence as you "do what you love, even if you do not love it every day (Katie Couric)."

I cannot tell you what your passion is, but I know you have something somewhere inside you that creates it. You will know it when you find it. And if you can learn to channel it and utilize it to add value (to someone or something), you can likely build a career based on living out your passion.