A Balancing Act

How do you balance it all?  Ask the question in a room full of women, and you get a variety of reactions.  From the recent piece in Atlantic Magazine titled “Why Women Still Can’t Have It All” to Sheryl Sandberg’s “Why We Have Too Few Women Leaders” speech, there are a million perspectives.

Just because I am usually the one standing in front of the room full of people doesn’t mean I have the answer.  But I think it starts with clarity.  And I think it’s a message that every person can pay attention to, not just the women in the room.

Gaining clarity around what matters to you is the single most important thing you can do to find balance.  When the world comes at us, as it often does, it allows us to say “yes” to the things that align with our priorities and empowers us to say “no” to the things that do not.

Earlier this month, I did a women’s event for the PGA TOUR.  At the end of the day, I asked each woman to take five pieces of paper and write down the five most important things in their lives.  It was a pretty easy exercise for most of the women.  Then I asked them to take one of their sheets of paper and crumple it up.  There was a little bit of a murmur from the group.  Next, crumple another sheet.  Then a third.  Finally a fourth until you had just THE most important thing in your life staring back at you.  By the time we got to the final step, their was almost an uproar in the room.  It’s a great exercise to get clarity.  Don’t worry, after the agony, they got all five back.

The point was to get really clear on what matters to you.  The other thing I tell people is don’t be your worst critic.  So often we judge ourselves day in and day out on.  I have a wonderful husband and three daughters.  If I judged myself every day on my priorities, I would feel like a failure some days.  Balance is a bigger picture.  Look at it across a week or a month.  It’s unrealistic to be perfectly balanced every day of our lives.  Sometimes work will take priority or sometimes it’s a family member or a health matter.  Remind yourself, that’s ok.  Just yourself on the overall direction, not the day-to-day.

HBR Blog: The (New) Skills You Need to Succeed in Sales

Via HBR by Lynette Ryans and Javier Marcos
(http://blogs.hbr.org/cs/2012/08/the_changing_face_of_sales.html) 

The practice of business-to-business selling is in a curious state. On the one hand, commentators and academics are repeatedly telling us that transactional selling is outmoded and that relational selling is the 'new normal.' On the other hand, most businesses are operating with traditional models of salesperson recruitment and training. The American Society for Training and Development (ASTD) estimates that in the U.S., $15 billion is spent per year on sales training. However, many salespeople find the training they receive either ineffective or less than useful. Given the importance of skills and capabilities to sales performance, businesses need to reconsider who they recruit into sales roles, and how they train them.

Put simply, we all we tend to recruit people like ourselves. This in turn means that existing cultures, styles and modes of behavior tend to perpetuate themselves. Trouble is, business-to-business selling has been undergoing a revolution. Traditional sales methods are increasingly unproductive. In fact, aggressive sales styles and product-focused selling are now so outdated that some customers are simply refusing to meet with salespeople using these techniques. These customers find it more pleasant and more efficient to order online, and who can blame them? Information about product and service features is increasingly available online, so sales people find themselves in front of well-prepared customers. In this situation, focusing on product features in the sales meeting is a waste of everyone's time. In fact, there is plenty of evidence that high-performing sales people are those who listen and respond, who are flexible, and who think in terms of developing a solution to an emerging customer problem.

To find out what kind of people succeed in sales, and the kinds of skills they need to have, we carried out interviews with thought leaders in selling and sales management in the U.S. and the U.K. These included top sales leaders in major corporations, leading academics who have published in the sales field, and senior practitioners within sales associations or research-oriented sales consultancies.

Our research confirmed a growing trend: Salespeople today need to engage in collaboration with the customer but also increasingly with their own organization. Good selling is about transcending the customer-facing role and becoming an internal change agent as well.

Our thought leaders identified two major drivers for this change: the use of technology, and changes in customer demands. Increased use of technology, they told us, means that online channels are substituting for traditional face-to-face meetings, and CRM systems are providing new insights into customers. On the customer side, our informants talked about ever-increasing customer expectations and more emphasis on return on investment and value. Our analysis revealed four categories of skills and capabilities that sales people need in this new environment: Commercial, Relational, Managerial, and Cognitive.

Commercial skills and capabilities are about financial insight, business acumen and customer insight — specifically, insight beyond what the customer has articulated. In complex relational sales, customers expect business-to-business sales people to act as business consultants and demonstrate a broad strategic understanding of their organization and the impact on the customer's bottom line of the solutions they sell.

Relational skills and capabilities include the ability to manage multi-level, multifunctional relationships, to understand relational dynamics and to inspire trust. Across all the research we have done in sales and Key Account Management, trust is repeatedly cited by customers as important in their selection of a supplier.

Managerial skills and capabilities needed by people in sales roles include people management skills (because so much business-to-business selling is now done in teams and cross-functionally); high ethical standards and integrity (growing customer demands in relation to corporate social responsibility and ethics are changing selling behaviors); openness to change and adaptability; and influencing skills.

Cognitive skills and capabilities include innovative problem solving; the ability to identify opportunities; the ability to work under pressure; and mental toughness and resilience. These cognitive skills are important in a consultative selling role because the best future sales opportunities may be found within existing customers, not necessarily within new customers, and the sales person needs the skills to recognize and develop these opportunities.

These skills and capabilities identified by our thought leaders have some clear consequences for the recruitment and training of sales people in business-to-business consultative selling roles. Look again at the four elements: traditional selling skills are conspicuous by their absence. In fact, the people best fitted to these new sales roles may not necessarily be people from a sales background. Instead, we see more people from technical or operations backgrounds such as project management, R&D, or supply chain moving into sales. They can be particularly adept at problem-solving and cross-functional working. Perhaps we should talk not about 'sales people' but about 'people in a sales role.'

This broader view of the sales professional has implications not just for sales recruitment ("who"), but also for training and development ("what" and "how"). People in a sales role need a broad general management development that focuses on commercial, relational, managerial and cognitive capabilities. Sales leaders, HR directors and CEOs need to ask some tough questions about how their organization is training its sales people to develop these vital elements. Those responsible for commissioning, designing and/or delivering sales training must ensure that programs move beyond task-related knowledge and skills and emphasize a fuller range of general management competencies that are needed to manage increasingly complex markets and business relationships.

When To Call It Quits

Often a hand goes up and asks me, “have you ever and how do you fire a client?” 

Yes, and let me explain how.  

When I get this question, I often know it is coming from someone who is generally a nice person who is not sure how to deliver tough news.  Kudos to them for this quality.  It is also coming from someone who likely has some “dead weight” on their client list.  So what they are really saying is, “I am getting sucked into spending time on business and/or a relationship I really don’t think will pay off and hasn’t paid off.”  More often than not, the client has more awareness around this challenge than we realize.  

A few suggestions below: 

Manage expectations:  On the front end of the relationship, be clear about your expectations for the relationship and how you see it evolving.  Communicate it in an early meeting.  Set mutually agreed up milestones that both of you can use as a measure when evaluating the relationship.  This allows you to create a foundation that you can refer back to as the relationship evolves.       

Anticipate: Anticipation is key so that you can be prepared when a relationship changes and know how to respond.  Respond when you first see the relationship change—whether it’s the client’s needs changing, their world changing or your world changing.    

Understand the implications: Who does this relationship touch and what impact does terminating this relationship have on those people? Are my company and I prepared to deal with this?

Be them:  Ask yourself a few questions: “What else is going on in their world?” “How can I best time this transition and/or conversation with them?”

Communicate: Not all things, but most things, can be solved through communication.  Hopefully you have a built a relationship based on trust and mutual respect.  So when you communicate, they hear you and you connect.  Periodically have the guts to be vulnerable and ask, “how’s this going?” 

If you think you might need to “trim the fat,” odds are you do.  So, do it.  It’s like the 22 year old who breaks up with someone he isn’t going to marry.  Often better for both parties, because if you truly aren’t committed, the relationship won’t develop to greater levels of mutual support.

The Definite Dozen

Whether or not you are a sports fan, Pat Summitt's journey will inspire you and her legacy will leave a lasting impact.  The winningest coach in NCAA basketball history, Summitt stepped down as head coach of the Lady Vols in April, eight months after revealing her diagnosis of early-onset Alzheimer's.  After 38 years at the helm, she walked away from the game she had changed.   

For those doing the math, that means Summitt started her career as a head coach at Tennessee at the ripe age of 22.  That was eight years before the NCAA recognized women's basketball as a sport.  Perhaps more impressive than the 1,0098 wins, 8 national titles and 16 SEC championships is the fact that in 38 years of coaching, every single one of her players earned their degree.  

If you didn't watch the ESPYs, you missed a touching tribute to a woman who has impacted generations of players and who now faces a tougher opponent with the same grit and resolve that defined her on court success.  Watch the video below.

Pat has always been the face of her sport.  Now she is the face of something even greater.    For years, we admired her from afar-- the coach with the icy glare who dominated opponents and demanded the best from herself and everyone around her.  In the last year, we witnessed a vulnerability as she chose to fight her battle on a public stage.  Perhaps this is where we learn the greatest lessons on courage and grace.

In honor of Pat, here is a reminder of "The Definite Dozen," the principles that were the foundation of her program for decades.  Keep a copy at your desk, in your wallet or on your bulletin board, but keep them present in your life!

The Definite Dozen
1.   Respect yourself and others
2.   Take full responsibility
3.   Develop and demonstrate loyalty
4.   Learn to be a great communicator
5.   Discipline yourself so no one else has to
6.   Make hard work your passion
7.   Don’t just work hard, work smart
8.   Put the team before yourself
9.   Make winning an attitude
10.  Be a competitor
11.  Change is a must
12.  Handle success like you handle failure

Which principle speaks the most to you and why? Send us your comments on Twitter @MollyFletcher.

Making the Pick: NBA Draft and Talent Evaluation

I had an interesting conversation last week with some friends facing challenges in the hiring process.  We got to talking about comparisons within the sports world.  Last night's NBA Draft was a great snapshot of sport's "hiring process."  

How companies (or in this case teams) evaluate talent is an interesting and varying process.  Of course there are major differences between the two, but the parallels are relevant.  There is always a pipeline of talent for NBA scouts and coaches to evaluate and they constantly monitor it.  One of the interesting points in my conversation with some recruiters was that many companies have a "superficial" pipeline.  They don't establish "real" relationships with prospective talent until there is a specific need, at which point they are placed in a reactive position.  Teams ask themselves many of the same questions that companies ask.  Questions like:

Do I have a specific need to fill or am I taking the best available?  

Am I looking for immediate return or a long-term solution?  

Do I take the safer choice or do I take a risk on higher potential?  

Are there any red flags?  

Will this person fit within my existing team?  

Is this person coachable?  

What is his or her reputation?  

Will they support our efforts to create a healthy environment? 

Intangibles like he's a "high-character guy" or a "relentless competitor" or "high basketball IQ" came up in draft commentary almost as much as performance.  For employers of all types, the search is all about the fit and proactively building a healthy pipeline which requires carefully weighing talent and performance alongside the intangibles.       

Title IX: Lessons Beyond the Playing Field

This week marks the 40th anniversary of Title IX, the landmark legislation signed on June 23, 1972 to expand opportunities in higher education for women.  The discussion around Title IX typically centers on athletics, which fell under the educational programs umbrella.

Reading the stories this week from countless female athletes from different decades, they all pointed to the lessons sports taught them off the field.  Having spent all four years of my college experience at Michigan State on the tennis team, the message resonates.  A 2002 survey by Oppenheimer Funds found that 82% of female business executives participated in organized sports after elementary school.  This probably does not surprise most men, who have long realized how lessons learned early on the playing field translate later to the boardroom.

Sports teach us how to win and how to lose.  They teach us accountability, selflessness, time management, sportsmanship and resilience.  We learn how to work within a team- when to be a leader and when to be a role player.  Sports teach us how to bounce back from adversity and understand that calls won’t always go our way and that there will be bumps along the road to success.  We learn how to communicate and how to deal with different personality types and management styles.  It’s not hard to connect the dots and see why the lessons we learn in sports last us a lifetime.

Recovering from Adversity

The Oklahoma City Thunder’s remarkable turnaround has been the talk of the sports world this week as they advanced to their first NBA Finals in dramatic fashion.  The NBA Playoffs have been a great example of how we find lessons in sports that we can apply to our every day lives. 

How do we handle adversity, and on the flip side, how do we handle success?  The Thunder faced a Spurs team that had won 20 straight games.  Down 2-0, the numbers said they had no chance.  How did they respond?  By reeling off four straight victories, rallying from an 18-point deficit in the decisive game, and becoming only the third team in NBA history to win four straight in the conference finals after trailing 2-0.  You don’t have to be a sports fan to appreciate their fight.  

Successful people—in sports, business and life—share a common trait.  They recover from adversity quickly.  They don’t focus on the negative and they control what they can control.  So what can we learn from the playoffs while we are enjoying the games?  Don’t let adversity unravel you.  Allow it to motivate you and propel you forward.  

How often do we hear or say...."I will" or "Sure, got it, I will call you Tuesday" or "Ill email you that..." or "Ill call then and follow up with you" or "OK, will do."  How many times do we hear these kind of "promises" and how many times do we make these type of promises?  How often does the intended behavior actually happen?  Imagine the energy you feel in that moment, the statement is real, the intent is there (and, by the way, if the words aren't said with intent to execute, don't say them at all).

By executing our promise, we live and behave with consistency.  Consistency is a key driver for being the best.  Coaches don't win championships without follow up, execution and consistency; athletes don't sniff the Hall of Fame without game after game, year after year being consistent performers.  Ask a coach, "would you rather have a athlete who goes out and strikes out four days in a row, but hits two bombs (home runs) on day four or would you rather have the athlete who gets you one hit a game day after day after day?" Easy decision.  Corporate leaders want the same kind of players.  Coaches want athletes they know will show up, who will do what they say they will do between games, who will make promises they can deliver on; no different then players want to play for a coach that delivers on the promises they make.

Take 20 minutes today and look back at your week, and ask yourself these questions:

Who did I meet with and/or speak with and what promises did I make?
What am I doing to ensure I execute against each and every promise (besides, "Ill remember")?
What is my plan to ensure I communicate and execute on my promises?

Executing against the promises we make is directly tied to consistent behavior and consistent behavior is a key driver for being the best. So, next time you say, "Ill send you that email..." or "lets get together...Ill email you to set it up...."   I recommend...

Do it or don't say it.

Jump Out of Line

We were all born with creativity, the ability to be innovative and imaginative.  We created characters and acted them out, we lived and played in pretend worlds with Smurfs and built awesome one of a kind structures with our Legos.  We played with dolls and built “clubs” behind our house.  

Then the world got a hold of us and we were asked to follow others instructions.   

We went to school where we sat at a desk, walked in a straight line without talking in the hallway, received assignments during the day and then a packet of homework with instructions to do after school.  We used a #2 pencil and even got a trophy for being #2.  And if we were good, we woke up and did it over and over until – God willing – we went to college.  To do more of the same.   

We weren’t born to be order takers and followers, the world taught us to be.  If we were so blessed, we had parents and others around us that showed us there are a few ways to execute the same thing.   

I'm forty now, but when I was a kid, my Mom and I rarely crossed the street at the light, but rather we went the quickest route.  Sometimes it was like a real live game of Frogger, but we always made it across.  My Dad who, after my older twin brothers had picked on me all day, would say, “just hit ‘em when they aren’t expecting it.” And, so I did.   Or a Grandmother who taught PE in the 1940's and another with cracked skin on the tip of her fingers from working so hard day after day to provide for the family.  Or a Grandfather who took me fishing at age ten with alligators surrounding our wobbly boat then took me back to his Florida home and watched me mow his lawn with chewing tobacco in his bottom lip the size of a large lemon.  I am thankful, extremely thankful, for this type of influence.  I am confident it offset the “straight lines” I walked at school for twenty years.  I am sure, or hope, you had people like this in your life as well.   

If you were molded, like many of us, to extend your “follow the rules” program into your adult life, I want to remind you that now we all have a choice.  A choice to get a set of instructions each day or create our own set of instructions.  We can either fit in or stand out – but not both. We can choose to build our own maps or follow someone else's.   We can seek high levels of achievement and create a new bar or we can reach for the bar someone else has held up for us.  Meeting expectations - so what -  that isn’t about being the best.  Living without a map might require a tweak in your mindset.  It requires leaning into change and challenges.  It requires having so much passion for creating and building that it over comes your fear of failure.  It requires the same thing that is on a soda can, “no deposit, no return.”   You can build your road map with or without road blocks.  There are often several ways to get there.  Have the guts and the passion to find the route. Now-a-days we are all in sales, we are all in marketing.  We all have a voice and can be heard.  Find your voice and share your vision.  It might require a real life game of Frogger sometimes, but the journey is more fun, in my opinion, and on the other side you might be able to build a rewarding new play ground.

Do you want to create the life you want to lead or have someone else give you your instructions? It’s up to you.

Consistent - Why it Matters?

I asked my kids this morning what the word "consistent" means to them, they said, "to do it over and over again Mommy." I ask the best athletes and coaches what it means and they say, "it means you're going to control your destiny and likely find a spot in the Hall of Fame." Not to profound, right?  They are both right.  Lets dig a little deeper...

I had a very cool talk with Tom Izzo recently when I was at his house executing a production day....the crew was getting set up and as they did we got into a great discussion about consistency.  I think his passion for consistency is rooted with his Midwest roots.  Or, at least, as a Michigan gal, I'd like to think so.  Or maybe it's a passion for success and winning combined with his Midwest roots.  Tom shared, "consistency is what really matters, it's what makes what you do real, powerful and impactful - success gets you there but consistently executing keeps you there."  

I have seen athletes get a "call up" to the big leagues for a cup of coffee, and sadly, not execute and find themselves back down in the minor leagues.  Or a coach, get a "dream" job and not execute and find themselves fending off frustrated fans and rationalizing a "rebuilding year".  Or a golfer get his PGA Tour card or a win, but can't do it again.  And then their are the greats - who get there and stay there.

We can all find ourselves at various stages of the process of executing consistently. 
Maybe you have accomplished something and you want to accomplish more of it?  Is it repetable? If so, what is the formula to repeat it? What is the formula to not only repeat it, but enhance it?

Maybe you have yet to reach the bar which you believe is the benchmark for your consistent success. Do you have clarity on what your plan is to get to the bar you have created for youself?

Maybe you have executed consistenly at a high level over and over - in which case - knowing your type - you aren't through.

Reminder, this can be an emotion, an attitude also.  So maybe it isn't about doing but thinking differently.  Maybe it is a desire to be consistently positive?

I challenge you to get clear on what you want to execute consistently? And do three things with that clarity:

What is your plan to do it?
Is the process repetable? Hopefully so.
What is your plan to replicate and enhance it?

Lastly, might I suggest, you implement something I call the "two minute rule"...celebrate and enjoy your success, but if it is the first of hopefully many, move on and do it again, and again.  Then, like Tom Izzo, you will find yourself building and leaving a legacy.

Investors.com

Leaders & Success

Molly Fletcher Studies The Best In Sports, Business

By MICHAEL MINK 

To reach the top, follow the steps of those who've made the trek. Molly Fletcher, a sports agent dubbed the female Jerry Maguire, did just that — going into the locker rooms and boardrooms of upper-echelon performers in sports and business to find their commonalities. One result is her book "The Business of Being the Best."

• Be yourself. Top performers are real. That's what Fletcher found with legends such as college basketball title coach Tom Izzo, Hall of Fame quarterback Roger Staubach, Home Depot (HD) founder Arthur Blank and Cy Young-winning pitcher John Smoltz. "Be authentic and anchor everything you do against that," she told IBD. "Being the best is about being you, but the very, very best you can be."

• Tune in. Top performers are "always looking to learn and ask questions," said Fletcher. "They want to pull anything they can out of every experience, conversation and interaction."
Ken Kam, CEO of Marketocracy, which identifies top-flight money managers, advises people to ask why good decisions worked out. "That's how opportunities for value are discovered. Too many people aren't curious, so they never ask those questions. They're too willing to accept the way things are. Successful companies are all about trying to improve, looking for the ways things could be made better," he said.

• Be courageous. Fletcher found the best performers aren't afraid to fail or take risks. They want the most responsibility in the most important situations. Then "they have the ability to focus on execution," she said, and come through.

• Know your purpose. The best "understand that activity doesn't equal execution or success. Proper execution is what equals success," Fletcher said.

• Embrace urgency. Top leaders, Fletcher says, have a solid sense of it. While they can create an environment of calm, "they're proactively doing what they need to do to be the best," she said.

• Be exacting. Heidi Grant Halvorson, an associate director for the Motivation Science Center at the Columbia University Business School, says successful people are specific about what they want to accomplish and plan in detail how they will do so. "Knowing (precisely) what you want to achieve keeps you motivated until you get there," Halvorson, author of "Succeed," wrote in a chapter in the book titled "Nine Things Successful People Do Differently."

• Develop grit. Top achievers are mentally prepared to overcome obstacles on the path to the top, says Halvorson.

Enneagram

People say you have to love your self to love someone else.  True. I believe you also have to know yourself to really be able to really know others.  You have to know your tendencies, your quirks, your strengths and weakness.  You have to know what depletes your energy and what strengthens your energy. You have to know what inspires you and how you best inspire others.  You have to know your WHY.  Why do you do what you do?

Through my YPO (Young Presidents Organization) I was asked to take an "Enneagram Type Indicator."  It is a "personality test."  But it is the the one I have found to be the best.  The best because so many people I work with in YPO who facilitate retreats for executives use this as their primary indicator for personality types. And I found it to be the most practical from my personal experience as well.  It is ten bucks and takes 30 minutes to take the test (and no I am not paid or asked in anyway to endorse this product).  I took my first one last week and within just a few minutes I had an email in my in box telling me all about myself.  I shared it with my husband and he said, "wow, freaky, this thing nailed it." The best part isn't that it tells you what you know, the best part is it shows you your blind spots.  I always say (as do many - I certainly didn't think of it) - our greatest area of exposure as individuals in not knowing what we don't know.

www.enneagraminstitute.com is their site. 

Not that you care, but I am a type 3 with my second highest score was a type 2.  At the risk of being a little vulnerable - which I always recommend to people, I thought I would be vulnerable myself and tell you just who I am.

If you can skip a latte for a couple days and spend that money on the Enneagram test, I am confident you will find it helpful.  It will help you know what you need to work on and better understand the formula for you to be your BEST!

Cheers!

 

What does it take for females to lead?

As a female sports agent, I get the standard question two ways:

“How much more difficult is it for you being a sports agent as a women verses a man?”

Or the more half full minded folks ask it this way:

“Is that an advantage for you being a women? Being different than the others?”

As a female sports agent, representing mostly men in the most popular male team sports (ie MLB, PGA, NCAA Coaches) I have grown up professionally in a world surrounded by men – whether they were my clients, employees or my competition. 

What does it take for females to lead?  To win the top jobs?  How do we raise the recently published minuet 3% female CEO’s of Fortune 500 companies?

Do you have to be ruthless?
Do you have to be sexy?
Do you have to act like a man?

No, no and no.

Women have to be authentic, be passionate about why you do what you do and be committed to being in The Business of Being the Best (same title as my latest book).

I have summed up the things that I think are imperative to grow into a successful female leader.

You must have passionate integrity. In other words, in a competitive business environment, passion and integrity must live within you consistently to win. 

You must have fearless focus.  Don’t be aren’t afraid of what might not go right; you must expect to win.  Part of this is being a determined listener.  Listen more then you talk.  Ask questions that provide the kind of data you need to support others and learn about other ways to be an expert.  Handle yourself in a friendly, yet professional manner – always. 

Consistent discipline is paramount to proving you can lead others.  We must set the stage for the entire team and the customers as it relates to discipline and ability to sustain it day in and day out.   To success as a female, I believe you must have creative drive as a key ingredient.  Have 360 degree awareness around the things that need to happen for them to go to the next level.  Creativity helps you differentiate yourself from the pack.

The best influence others in a positive, consistent and substantial way – I call this humble and consistent energy.  They are intentional about where they put their energy and who gets their energy.  The bi product of this is a team that respects your focus on time and energy and provides a healthy respect for their time with you.

The best women expect to execute.  In other words, all the above are paramount, but if you don’t role those up into executing, you won’t win.

What role do men play in this? I believe that is like asking the Republican party: what role do the Democrats have in a republican earning the role of President of The United States?  An extreme example, so forgive me as I am not implying men and women are this divided but rather just different breads.  Isn’t it about being the best, being a leader, about the things discussed above.  In other words, be good, no rather be great.  Be better then the others.  Don’t wasn’t energy groveling over the “competition” . 

My ask to society, support the best candidate to lead your company.  My ask to women, support other smart and committed female leaders, in both our words and in our actions.  More specifically, support each other through transparent and positively impactful behavior.

We all need to own this.

Turn Defensiveness Into Curiosity

How do we turn defensiveness into curiosity?  And do it consistently. 

I know, that seems like a 180, doesn't it? And that's exactly what it is. It's taking those moments when we all immediately want to push back. But instead, we train ourselves to turn that completely around, and instead of pushing the door closed on a relationship, we're opening it up. We're making a surprise move.

Turning defensiveness into curiosity is unexpected. It's what will set us apart. It is a behavior that shows that we are immediately realizing that the relationship is not about us and our needs. When we feel defensive, this becomes a cue for our curiosity to kick in. Let me explain what I mean.

One of the most common situations is when I am working a deal for a client. I'm talking to a company or team that I believe would be a great fit for my athlete.  But then, the guy on the other side says, "I don't see value in your client, Mol." OK, so can you feel the hair go up on the back of your neck? Me too! Anger... resentment... the desire to fight back. It's all very normal. But I've redirected that defensiveness.  Though part of me may want to say, ‘‘You have to be kidding me! This guy's a winner! He's done everything needed and more to help his team win!"
Instead, I say, "OK, so it sounds like what you're saying is that it's not just this guy's performance on the field that you value. Is that right? What do you value?"

So you see in that story, instead of going at this guy, I've got my toolbox out and I'm ready to build a platform to keep standing right next to him. I'm taking the challenge and I'm doubling down. I'm buying into his reality and asking me to take me further into his world, into what he thinks is important.

Defensiveness can be a doorway into what you really need to know about this important person. Shifting into curiosity is  paramount to gaining clarity why someone feels the way that they feel about a particular situation. Paramount. Doesn't matter if the person is inside or outside your organization. This is important with your spouse or significant other -- anyone you care about knowing better.
I see two types of defensive behavior that we need to understand.

The first is direct, and the second is indirect.

Direct defensive behavior is when we blame someone or something else. Defensiveness comes from a situation that involves bad news or disappointment. Attacking or threatening the messenger -- we've all done that. We've all interrupted, often to justify our beliefs or actions, or to attack back. We've taken over the dialogue with long-winded explanations of why we are right. You probably have the picture by now, but a couple other cues for direct defensive behavior are a tone of righteous indignation and hostility, and demands for evidence.  Any of these might as well be a ton of bricks, and each one is making a wall between you and the person that you need to get close to and understand.

Indirect defensive behavior is more sneaky, but it's just as problematic. For those of us who internalize our feelings, we demonstrate defensiveness by withdrawing. We've heard or read something that makes us churn, and we've got a death grip on the office chair. We turn silent. Our answers are cryptic or confusing. We're punishing the other person with what many call passive aggression.  The standby is pretending to agree without really agreeing, and the moment the person walks out the door, we're telling our coworker what we really wanted to say. That does no good, because the person who holds the key to the deal is already off the elevator and gone baby gone.

As I describe this, maybe this thought is present: "Molly what other choice do I have? This guy shafted me!"   

So what I want to show you is another way, to reroute that reaction, from negative to something that's positive. No, it's more than positive. Curiosity is one of your most potent tools.

Let's talk about why and how you can turn defensiveness into curiosity. Let's dig deeper into what one of our most brilliant minds, Albert Einstein, valued this highly.  Einstein said, "I have no special talents. I am only passionately curious." 


In my years of negotiations, I know how hard it is to land a deal. In the world of sports, I'm dealing with clients whose skills will be at a peak for a relatively short period. I've got to sell that -- and hope the guy doesn't get injured -- in a very short window of time. It's a crapshoot. I'm the last person who wants any roadblocks in my way, because the road is tough enough to get this thing done.

Defensiveness is like a series of roadblocks, and as we are pushing towards a resolution, we can't get there, we can't drive down that road. We can't have a productive conversion with another party if we are defensive.

Defensiveness is the outward sign of inward insecurity. Defensiveness is like the Queen of Spades in the card game hearts. Practically the only way to win is to get ride of her. She is the devil. Defensiveness is like that card. Likewise, as long as you react to something going wrong in a defensive manner, you are not going to win.

People don't want to get close to insecurity. They don't want to do business with someone who takes everything personally. They see clearly that you don't have room to put them first, because guess what's there instead? Your baggage. Your defensiveness. You are looking through a heavy lens and what you see is the world against you. Defensiveness brushes people to the side and makes them feel, at the worst, almost worthless.  Defensiveness shows us as doors that are closed.  Curiosity demonstrates us as doors that are open.  Defensiveness gives an unfair advantage to your heart -- your emotions -- over your head, your reason and logic.  In contrast, curiosity gives a giant boost to your goal of a closer relationship. If defensiveness puts the brakes on a relationship, curiosity revs up the engine.  

Curiosity accomplishes two separate and distinct goals.
   
First, it shows that you are truly engaged and dedicated to communicating and finding out the most valuable information about your business partner’s ideals and desires. It is sending this critical message.

Second, curiosity is that platform I mentioned before. It's a strong position that enables us to gain insight and information.

Here's another quote that I like, from Samuel Johnson, the great British man of letters.  "Curiosity is, in great and generous minds, the first passion -- and the last."







Start your engines with curiosity and you will be in the business of being the best!

Molly Fletcher

Intentional Energy

Do you spend time thinking about where you put your energy? Who you give your energy to and why?

We have a choice each and every day about most everything in our life.  Such as a choice about how we use our energy or choices about who we spend time with or how we embrace opportunities and challenges.  People often think and talk about time management but through my experiences with the best coaches in the world, I believe the best also talk and think about energy management.  The best are intentional about where they put their energy.  They recognize that most of the time where they put their energy is a choice.  Some of you might be thinking? But if you get sick or are ill - that isn't a choice.  Correct it isn't, but how you deal with it is a choice.  I would challenge you to own your choices.  And that ownership of choices translates to energy management.

I was at a meeting recently and a gentleman walked in late and quickly said, "I am so sorry I am late, I had to finish that call."  The facilitator of the meeting said, "ok, but just to clarify, you chose to finish that call and to be late."   Challenging him to recognize that his being late was his choice.   And maybe it was a choice he wanted to make, but none the less it was a choice.

Great leaders own their decisions and own their energy management. They are intentional and aware of their choices.  The bi-product of this for leaders is a team that respects their focus on time and energy and, therefore, provides a healthy respect for time with their leader.

We can buy and/or hire things in life (if we choose to) but human energy isn't one of them.  I challenge you to embrace your days and weeks ahead with intentional energy management.  I am confident you will find what my coaches find, which is more wins then loses.

Twitter: @mollyfletcher

Are You Fearless?

Are you fearlessness?

We all deal with the little negative voices inside our heads that tells us we can't do something. 

Fearlessness removes or repositions those voices.
Fearlessness chases away the voices that aren't doing you any good. 
Fearlessness acknowledges fear, and puts that fear on a shelf, and keeps going.  
Fear looks at opportunity with consciousness of what might not go well, and keeps going.
Fearlessness is a choice, a state of mind.   It is confidence in our ability to excite and execute.   Fearlessness creates the space for us to do what we do best, in a meeting, a conversation, or a project.

Fearlessness is embodied by a baseball pitcher who wants the ball in the bottom of the 9th inning.  This pitcher wants the ball because even though he knows he could throw "a ball" (vs strike) he has put that reality up on a shelf.  He is going into the game, the ball in his hand, with every intention, every fiber of his being, saturated with the goal of striking out every batter and helping his team win the game. 

Elite athletes and coaches, to me, are perfect examples of fearlessness.  They step on a world stage, prepared for criticism.  They constantly face the reality that they could fumble on the goal line, or miss the winning kick with 2 seconds on the clock.  

Fearlessness is Jeff Francoeur stepping into the batters box days after being hit in he face with a 95 mph fastball.  Fearlessness is Evander Holyfield, the world famous boxer, crawling back to his feet after a right hook from Mike Tyson.

In the face of that risk, top athletes want nothing more than to step in and try.  They want the ball.  They are fearless in both body and mind.  This is our model of fearlessness. 

Fearlessness enables us to pursue anything you want.
Fearlessness opens up our minds, expands our boundaries and believes in all the possibilities.
Fearlessness is unbeatable persistence.
It is our ability to embrace challenges.
It is our guts and our tenacity.

For me, fearlessness means acting on my confidence in myself and the quality of my work.  Fearlessness is where dreams are born and bred. 
Fearlessness is rooted in the knowledge that life is short, that life comes and goes before we know it.  Fearlessness gives us energy and liberation from the boxes that tell us we have done all we can, that we should just settle for less.  
Fearlessness allows us to embrace the present and future. 
Fearlessness is a lens to the past that appreciates the many, many times we tried. 
Fearlessness is the antidote to us waking up one day and feeling that we could have done something but never tried because we were afraid. 

Afraid of what? 
Afraid to fail.

When we are fearless, that is when -- and this is something I personally want for you -- the boss taps us on the shoulder and tells us, "Hey your are presenting at the biggest sales meeting of the year"... or you are the lead for a paramount piece of business.   What is our reaction at the point? We are filled not with fear but with desire.  We embrace that chance to expand our horizons and skills.   We want it.    And if, just if, that little voice tries to remind us we might fail, put it aside, on a shelf. "Thanks for that information", "but I am going to crush it".  

Without fearlessness, there is no change.
If it wasn't for fearlessness, we wouldn't have airplanes. We wouldn't have electricity.
We wouldn't have laser surgery or antibiotics or computer chips.

I've seen the power of fearlessness in a famous pitcher and friend - John Smoltz.
 John Smoltz is a baseball pitcher so good that one day, no doubt, he'll be in the Hall of Fame.
For most of his long career, he was a starting pitcher -- an ace for the Atlanta Braves.
But when the Braves needed him to change his role, and become the closing pitcher -- the clutch guy who is going to come in and seal the win -- John didn't push back.  He didn't fear.  Essentially, he was going from being a marathon runner to a sprinter, and he was doing this fairly late in his career.
Yet he didn't worry that while the world of baseball was watching him try to do something that few pitchers ever do, he might fall on his face and fail.  The main person who knew that John Smoltz could pull this off was John Smoltz. In many ways, as great of an athlete he is physically, his mind is even stronger.  John loves pressure.  He loves a challenge. He wants the ball when the game is tied, bases loaded and the team is on his back.  He loves it.  Fear can find no footing with John Smoltz.  And he was not only a great starter, but a great closer too. 

We must have some degree of fearlessness to push beyond what we are doing now and into what our mind imagines.  Fearlessness is the engine that makes imagination into reality.  At the core of fearlessness is confidence and consistency. Confidence and fear cannot coexist. One is going to win. You want confidence to win.  Consistency helps us build confidence.  It is the rhythm produced when we do what we are uniquely capable of, over and over. When confidence is demonstrated consistently, that is fearlessness.

One of the most important aspects of the journey to fearlessness is taking action.
When we are fearful, we often are stuck.  We don't do anything.  Fearlessness is a state of activity, not passivity.  

Let me share a couple ideas on how I have seen the best become fearless:

• Fear comes from worrying about what other people think – stop it, don’t be a worrier about “WOPT"
• Collect and practice positive messages
• Find a fearless role models
• Think about that pitcher fearlessly taking the ball in the ninth inning
• Practice small acts of fearlessness
• Visualize fearlessness prior to key moments

Fearlessness is critical to move into a better relationship, personally or in business.  Fear stands in the way of change, so fearlessness is the state of mind, recognize it, move through it and put it aside on the shelf so you can operate fearlessly.

Coming soon on my website, a video on FEARLESSNESS…with more tools and tactics to overcome fears. Stay tuned.

Are You Evolving in Healthy and Impactful Ways?

Evolving in a healthy way is paramount to growth - personally and professionally.  Evolving is anchored against awareness.  Both self awareness and awareness of the world around us.  Being aware of our ever changing environment and being intentional about reacting to it to improve is the first step in evolving.

Brands evolve.  Or actually better said, great brands evolve.  One of the best of late, of course, is Apple.  Apple at the core is a computer company. Like so many others.  So why do we buy iphones, ipads, itouches, and other "i" devices from them?   Because they evolve their technology, their serves - instead of simply providing computers - they saw needs, evolved and provided the solution.  Apple is aware and acts on that awareness.

Sports evolve.  I remember when basketball added the 3 pt. line or when we instituted the instant replay to review on field calls.  Not to mention off the field/court/course evolution of sports with everything from the way athletes train to inclusion of social media in sport.   We can run the gamut of how sports has evolved.

And, in my belief, people should be intentional about evolving as well.  Or actually better said, the best people evolve.

So, the first step is believing it is imperative to evolve to be the best.  You in?

The second step is identifying the areas we want to evolve. An example of categories are:

Everything!

Or, to be slightly more specific, it is:

• Personally
• Professionally
• Community
• Company
• World

So, basically everything is open to us touching to evolve.

To dive a little deeper, ask yourself a few questions about each of the above (and other) categories:

• What is happening in these areas?
• What isn't happening in these areas? 
• What is working well?
• What isn't working well?
• What can we identify as needs and wants in these areas?
• What do we sense as the solution to these needs?
• What will they need tomorrow? Next year? Next 100 years?
• If they are already good, can they get better? If so, how?

Get clear on the answers to these questions so we can evolve in healthy and impactful ways!
 

Jacqueline Novogratz - A Brilliant Visionary

Acumen Fund and Jacqueline inspire me (and I know others) to think, share, inspire, deliver, understand and take action.  Check out this magical video link below on part of Jacqueline's story and her "why."  She is brilliant visionary who will inspire you to think differently about what you do and how you do it.

http://www.acumenfund.org/bluesweater/

Don't Buy PJ's With Pockets

I used to buy PJ's with pockets so I would never miss a call and sleep with my phone on all night by my bed side table. I use to think that everything had to happen right now. Everything. I have started to set down my long list of things to do next to my phone and what I have found is it brings greater clarity and efficiency to my work.

Whitney Johnson said it well in her HBR article below. Take a few moments and read her article. I, as I know many people, often need this reminder.


Whitney Johnson - Harvard Business Review
Last weekend, like every weekend, I scrawled a long list of things to do on an old envelope. But unlike most weekends, instead of tethering myself to a computer and working, I sat in my backyard alongside my 10 year-old daughter in our collapsible camping chairs, reading novels. I wish I could tell you that this was a bona fide afternoon of rest and relaxation (R&R). Not quite. In flinging aside my agenda, my workaholic self felt more than a little bit naughty. In fact, a more accurate descriptor of that afternoon would have been rebellion — with a little relaxation on the side (R&r).
In this same spirit of rebellion, I've begun docking my phone downstairs, rather than on my nightstand. Now that I'm no longer checking e-mail during the wee hours, I'm sleeping more soundly. Emboldened by this win, I left my phone (which my children call, not entirely in jest, my third child) home during a recent family outing. The bad news is that my 24/7, always-on fortress remains relatively unassailable. Just last night, when it was time for our family's evening prayer, I was so busy tweeting that my husband deadpanned, "What, are you going to tweet your prayer?"
And yet I'm not about to advocate a wholesale disconnect. After all, it's been demonstrated that technology and connectivity do make us happier. But now that we can live life in the cloud, I wonder if there's an ever-present dark cloud of "more-to-do" hanging over our heads, with the languorous, lazy days of summer becoming bygones, and busyness a badge of honor. Do we consider unplugging a necessary evil, a nuisance we would happily do without, rather than recognizing that rest is integral to innovation, and more importantly, to a meaningful life?
According to current neuroscience research, after focusing intently on a project or problem, the brain needs to fully disengage and relax. As composer, musician and producer Brian Eno has opined: "The difficulty of always feeling that you ought to be doing something is that you tend to undervalue the times when you're apparently doing nothing, and those are very important times. It's the time when things get sorted out. If you're constantly awake work-wise you don't allow that to happen." More pithily, as said by John Cleese: "If you are racing around all day, ticking things off lists, looking at your watch, making phone calls, and generally just keeping all the balls in the air, you are not going to have any creative ideas."
When we do nothing (take a walk, a warm shower, slowly wake up), we defy the "always on" mindset, recognizing that we, like our muscles, become more productive by alternating work with rest. As leaders, we can encourage this healthy rebellion by example. We may think we're being responsive, even impressive, when we send work-related e-mails at midnight, on the weekend, or vacation, but those who work for us will see us as establishing a norm. If you will take some real down-time without the constant tug of technology or a to-do list absorbing your thoughts, you will give your employees permission to do the same.
Refraining from constant communication can give your words more weight when you do speak. In the book Sabbath, author Wayne Muller recounts a conversation with Oscar Castro-Neves, an accomplished guitarist and composer for movies, in which Castro-Neves teaches, "It is common in a dramatic scene to gradually bring the music to crescendo, and then stop — rest — silence. Whatever is spoken on the screen in silence is heard more clearly, more powerfully; the words are lent an additional potency, because they are spoken out of silence. When you listen to music, listen to the cadence of rest. Martin Luther King, the most famous speech of his life. Listen to the cadence. Free at last. (Rest) Free at last. (Rest) Thank God almighty, we are free at last."
The most typical dictionary definition of rest is "not moving or tranquil." Another definition is "a thing or place to put something for support." Rest is life and work support. It reinvigorates us so we can get things done. It allows us to subvert our inner workaholic, liberating our innovative self. It also allows us pause to gain perspective, to plumb the meaning of our life.
What we think and do today makes meaning of what we did yesterday. Learn to lie dormant. Listen to your cadence of rest. Take a break.
Only after a break can you have a breakthrough.

Healthy Relationships Are Like The Best Tasting Tomatoes

Sports fans know this chant between two sections of the stadium:
"What do we want?" The other side yells, "A victory."
"When do we want it?" "Now!"

We all want what we want now. We don't want to wait. We are in rush. Time is money -- and all that.
Today I am asking us to take it back a notch or more. Because we don't have to have everything all at once.

Say that with me: We don't have to have everything all at once.
That may not sound like me, because by now you know, I talk and move a mile a minute. Fast is my normal speed. But, I don't rush all the time (especially when I go for a run). I take my time when I need to, and I need to more than you probably think. I slow down because it is in my best interest to do so.

Let me explain. I have recruited hundreds of the best athletes, coaches and broadcasters in the world, and beat out the competition in doing so. Go fishing and there will always be more fish than people who want to catch them. Not so in the athlete representation business. There are more agents than athletes.

So what I saw early on was a lot of jostling, a lot of pushing, a lot of the "Jerry McGuire" scenes of working against some imaginary clock to sign someone, to nail the deal, to get so wound up it just has to happen, or bust.

Yuck.

Early on, I got clarity around the fact that it doesn't happen all at once. I needed to create a connection and that takes time. Without a true connection, a true relationship would never happen.
Deep down, when I saw this pace of competition around me, when I took a step back to put myself in the shoes of those I was pursuing, this really crystallized: I hate being rushed. I believe most people do. In sales -- and that's a big part of athlete representation at the core -- when we rush, the other party feels like we have something to hide. In that moment there is a real risk of being seen as a user or insincere. We're just trying to get the deal done so we can sit back and let their money roll in. Not cool.

Think about that from the other person's view. Doesn't feel good. Right.
Rushing can sometimes close deals, I'll say that -- but rushing never, ever builds a relationship.
In a relationship, the opposite is true: Haste makes waste.

OK, so pause for a minute while I clarify what may seem like a contradiction to you. When I say that you don't need everything all at once, I need to make something clear: We still need to be urgent about building the relationship. This is the key difference: focusing our urgency on the relationship, not on the transaction. What I want to get us moving toward is adding value to them with urgency.... and moving away from any rush to add value to ourselves. Do you see how big that difference is?

A transaction is like one ordinary plant -- a relationship is a garden full of precious, valuable plants. The plants don't grow overnight, especially the ones that have really deep roots. We've got to be patient and let those roots take hold, and then we can count on knowing we'll have a really strong plant.....a flower or a bush or tree that will weather the worst storms and drought. That's the kind of strong relationships we want, too.


There are countless examples in nature, all around us, of living things that cannot be rushed. Take something common like a tomato. These are grown in hothouses so they'll be ready to ship quickly. They don't taste as good as a tomato from a garden. People don't rush out to get tomatoes from a greenhouse. No question, if you want a truly tasty tomato, we're looking on the roadside for the shack with heirloom tomatoes nurtured with sunlight and water. That's going to taste really good.

And so, as it's been said for centuries: there is a time for everything, and paying attention to your pace is critical. Realizing that what we want doesn't have to happen all at once is at the core of this thought from Maya Angelou, the great writer:

"I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel."

It is hard to make someone feel important, and genuinely special, if we rush. Why is slowing down in this regard so important? My goal for us is not to land one deal. It is to land multiple, ongoing deals with a core group of customers who see us not as sales people but as people who add value to their lives. People they cannot live without.

Bottom line is, a good relationship takes time. Anything authentic involves time. When we talk about building a platform that's a place that must be strong, thus you don't expect it to be built overnight. If that happened, the platform would be shaky, wouldn't it? We'd worry about it collapsing and hurting anyone who was counting on it for support, maybe even injuring ourselves.

There are hidden powers in slowing down: For starters, this habit requires confidence, and it builds confidence. If you are confident in what you do and how you do it, you will refrain from forcing it. If you are not as confident as you'd like to be in what you do and how you do it, you can start mastering that mindset by slowing down. Slowing down gives you the room to set one's self up to act "as if." Acting as if I already have someone's business before I do is my way of practicing and rehearsing for the big show. Because I know that I don't have to have it all at once, I have given myself time and space for authenticity. We only control yourselves, and we must wait for another party to connect, so why not let it flow?

Another reason to slow down is to create leverage. When the other side sees our urgency, they wonder, "Are they hiding something? Something up their sleeve?" They sense it and close down. They're having post-trauma from being burned, from being sold, from being pushed too close before they are ready.

Grow relationships like we grow tomatoes in our backyard garden not the hothouse.